Energy Drink Review: Petey's Bing

I did not pour my drink into a large glass and then violently drop an ice cube or an actually cherry in it at the reception desk. That would be messy. I'm a PROFESSIONAL, people.

Lest you guys get worried that this blog has turned into a drunk patriotic zone of sincere feelings, I thought I should reassure you by getting back to what we all really care about: energy drinks! Last week, in the produce section (no less) of Cub, I spotted an energy drink for sale I've not tried before: Petey's Bing (made with Bing cherry juice). Now to answer your important questions: Who the hell is Petey and why should we drink cherry juice? I'll be the first to admit that I enjoy a delicious cherry pie or some super-sugary cherry-like-flavored candy or "medicine." Apparently this beverage has won at least one award, but if it tastes like actual cough medicine or too much like real cherries, I do not know if I will like it.

Well, Bing's (BING's) creators are not named Petey. I don't know who the hell Petey is. Maybe their dog? Maybe he is the Guy with Bing on His Head? I'll continue researching, but I need to open this can before it gets too room-temperature.

FLAVOR: Providing at least light carbonation is key to making almost anything palatable to drink. Bing's got that. It's definitely more candy-cherry than cherry-cherry flavoring, despite being made with real cherry juice (5%). That means they've added enough sugar. Not bad.

EFFECTIVENESS: I'm about halfway through the 12-ounce can, and I think I'm feeling something. I was worried when I bought it that it would be one of those "energy" drinks made with juice that is just supposed to energize you with the power of healthy vitamins and positive thinking or something, but it does actually have caffeine and taurine in it, and seems to be going well for me.

I still can't figure out who Petey is. You'd think there'd be, like, an FAQ page or something. IT IS A MYSTERY.

Is one of these ladies or gents Petey? MAYBE! Despite their best efforts, none of them is Matthew McConaughey, so that narrows it down. (Click through, it's a link! To a MySpace page!* And I did it with my own magical coding powers of basic HTML WHATWHAT!?)

OVERALL: It's pretty good. Twelve ounces is clearly insufficient to keep me going all day, but for now, it's good. The flavor isn't too bitter or cough medicine-y, and I believe it was on the cheap side. RECOMMENDED.

*Apparently MySpace still exists.