Thursday, May 16, 2013

Energy Drink Review: Monster Ultra Blue

Full disclosure, guys, I've had this, but only with booze inside, and not for daytime work energizing purposes. So I'll pretend I haven't tried it yet. This blue drink (it really is, like, sky blue!) is apparently in honor of mountain towns where Monster bros go snowboarding and whatnot. ULTRA BLUE, Y'ALL. It's got zero sugar and zero calories; therefore, it doesn't exist. I should have told that to my dentist when he told me to try to cut back on the soda. Well, mister, or rather DOCTOR, I'm going to pay you $300 I don't really have to fill a bunch of cavities next week (this is even with part of it being covered by my shitty student insurance), not to tell me what to drink. GEEZ. Anyway, show, road, etc.:

Isn't it pretty?
FLAVOR: It's kind of a blue raspberry-y taste. I think it's quite delicious.

EFFECTIVENESS: About halfway through, and I'd say it's got about the same amount of kick as your average Monster drink. Which is to say, a pretty good level of caffeination.* I nearly feel like hittin' the slopes, you guys! HAHA JUST KIDDING, I never want to hit the slopes. I went skiing once in junior high and I was terrible. I slid (slowly) into a tree and at one point lost one of my mom's sweet '70s skis down the mountain on a course that was a little too steep for me to be attempting. Also, it was hard. I think I'm just not cut out for winter sports. I've been ice skating twice and I suck. You'd think all those skills I built up over the years of pretending to be a figure skater on rollerblades in my parents' driveway would have directly transferred to the ice. Not so.

Actually, I'm nearly done with it now, and I don't feel particularly peppy. Is it my existential angst, which my mom thinks I should try to cure with Tylenol**? Is it because I've been drinking energy drinks around the house with vodka more often, so my tolerance is rising again? It is hard to say. Maybe I should have chugged all 16 ounces in less than this whole last hour.

Whatever, it's still good. RECOMMENDED with the caveat that it will not cure mood disorders. SORRY, GUYS.

*This does not look like a word. It's a word, isn't it?
**From that link: could Tylenol really cure the pain of watching a David Lynch movie? Maybe anything but Eraserhead. God, I hate that movie.

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