Energy Drink Review: Victory Energize

I'm pretty sure the cashier at the gas station in the Wisconsin Dells yesterday charged me for four Monsters (@ 2/$4) instead of for two Monsters and two of these $.99 VICTORY drinks. While I could have sworn I've tried some of them before, I find I haven't blogged about them. So here's a review of Victory Energize (the green kind). Like many fine things, Victory drinks are from Montana.

Imagine this on a can. Good job.

FLAVOR: Ehhh. Kind of cough syrup-y to be honest. It's supposed to be lemon-lime, I believe. Although I suppose this is what I get for a 99-cent drink (that I actually paid $2 for but was too lazy to correct the cashier about). It is not the worst thing I have ever tasted, but I do not like it either.

EFFECTIVENESS: I was up until, like, 6:00 a.m. editing videos this morning. This was not just because I have a deadline,* but because I drank the two aforementioned Monsters yesterday while driving home from a whirlwind trip to Rockford, Illinois for the Perpetual Roommate's 30th birthday/drinking game party. There I failed to participate longer than ten minutes in a power hour (beer is the grossest, you guys), but I did play beer pong for the first time ever and won. I also believe I charmed a number of very cool lesbian ladies with my tipsy yet clever college sports game commentary. (Pro tip: just yell "Football!" a lot.) Anyway, I'm not really as tired as I probably should be for only sleeping like five hours but whatever my job is boring and sedentary and also now I am drinking this and it is helping a bit. That just may be a VICTORY!

OMG you guys the website:

TIME TO OPEN UP A CAN OF VICTORY ON SOMEONE'S ASS! Victory has all the caffeine jolt and flavor of the energy drink you drink now, but for only 99¢.You save a buck fifty on every can you drain, leaving you cash to put gas in the dirt bike, buy paint balls or build a crazy ass skate rail on the back of your pick up. Then video what happens next.

YOU GUYS IT IS REALLY TOO BAD I AM AT WORK, BECAUSE I WOULD VIDEO MYSELF SO HARD RIGHT NOW. Like, typing this and then putting captions on pix in MSPaint and answering the phone and trying to do the NYT crossword puzzle from Saturday. It would be a "crazy ass" time! And I could save money for paint balls or a "HOT OUTFIT FOR [MY] GIRLFRIEND." For reelz:

The website says it's basically only available in the Pacific Northwest, so I don't know what it was doing in Wisconsin except for bringing me joy.

OVERALL: It made me feel pretty energetic, but the flavor is middling at best. You get what you pay for on this one, guys.


*Not for, like, paid work or something. DON'T WORRY, I AM STILL AN ECONOMIC FAILURE.