Energy Drink Review: Rockstar Pure Zero Mango Orange Passion Fruit

THIS IS A CAN OF THIS STUFF.

GUYS, I have had so many of the energy drinks, it's rare when I find one I haven't tried these days. If you've got a lead on something interesting, let me know where I can purchase such items. Maybe I should troll Amazon for weird energy drinks this afternoon instead of applying for jobs. AAAANYWAY, a while back, I tried out the Rockstar Pure Zero Silver Ice and thought it was so-so. But yesterday I saw that there are now more flavors in the Pure Zero line being sold at my local Super America and this one sounded tasty: Mango Orange Passion Fruit (with other natural flavors). Rockstar doesn't have the kind of extensive and ridiculous promotional copy written on their cans that could fuel a master's thesis,* so all I know about it is that it is zero calorie/zero sugar/presumably all the chemicals that I love. Let's try this shit!

FLAVOR: Mmm, tasty fruitiness. This is really quite delicious in a juicy way. It's on the less-carbonated side. I like it a lot. Not too different from a Monster Khaos (one of which I have in my fridge at home what-WHAT? Also, I have apparently never officially reviewed it which shall be remedied soon, THXYRWELCOME).

EFFECTIVENESS: About halfway in, I'm feeling a bit of a pick-me-up. I'm not particularly exhausted today since I didn't have to work in the morning, also I'm not drinking for the month of April, so I've only been staying up until, like, 3:00 playing the Bianca Shade Edition** of 2048 instead of 5:00. 2/3 of the way through, my legs are shaking and I'm feeling pretty good, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED MY JOB SITUATION IS AWFUL SAVE ME. Now I've gone into an anxiety spiral. I should maybe lay off the caffeine while I'm at it, but I know I won't.

OVERALL: It tastes good! It works! Drink that shit! 4/5


UPDATE LIKE A WEEK LATER: I'm now trying the Blue Ice flavor. It's got a tasty blue raspberry kind of taste. I like. I predict the effectiveness will be the same as the orangey one, so I'm not writing a whole additional review. DEAL WITH IT.


*Wonkette does it, so I can do it, too.
**You guys are watching Drag Race, right? I want to be/be friends with/possibly date Bianca Del Rio.