|What are you gonna do about it, motherfucker?|
|THERE HE IS!|
In 1786, Gerry married Ann Thompson, the (much-younger) daughter of a merchant. James Monroe was his best man. They had ten kids in fourteen years, to which my mother would (awkwardly) say, "You guys need to get cable." All that old timey child-bearin' pretty much destroyed Ann's health. Nice job, Elbbzz. But enough about his dick. Gerry made money during the Revolutionary War, after which he sold his business(es?) and invested in land, including Elmwood Estate, which would become the family compound or something. In 1787, Gerry served as a representative to the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. He was against the 3/5 Compromise and the popular election of Senators. Mixed bag on that one. He actually spoke out against ratification because he believe the Constitution needed to list citizens' personal liberties and refused to sign the document. At some point during state ratification proceedings, Gerry got into a shouting match with another representative and got thrown out. Pretty badass.
|"SRSLY, you're not going to include a bill of rights?" |
With fellow dissenters George Mason and Edmund Randolph at the National Constitution Center.** Source.
In 1792, Gerry decided to take a break from politics to go home to Massachusetts and take care of his approximately 134 children and ailing wife. He did serve as a presidential elector for his old colleague John Adams in 1796 and stayed strategically friendly with both Adams and Jefferson. In 1797, Adams sent Gerry to France as part of a diplomatic mission to Talleyrand. THIS TRIP DID NOT GO WELL (See: XYZ Affair). Gerry was temporarily tarnished by the whole debacle. In 1800, Gerry officially joined the Democratic-Republican Party, but he couldn't get elected to governor of Massachusetts (again) and went back into semi-retirement since by now his brother had somehow managed to fuck up the whole family's finances.
|If anything, that's like, a dragon or some shit.|
At this time, because of his shattered finances, Gerry asked President James Madison for a federal position to help support his family. He was chosen as Madison's running mate for the 1812 election, though he really was second choice. Gerry was considered a safe choice for vice president because he would appeal to Northern voters and would not threaten Monroe's position as Madison's heir apparent. Of course, Madison and Gerry were elected, and Elbridge spent his short term in office worrying about Federalist newspapers and pulling partisan moves during the War of 1812. Unfortunately, while working at the Capitol one day in 1814, Gerry suddenly fell ill and died that night. His sickly wife outlived him. He had paid off his brother's debts with his VP salary, so he was only able to leave his family the land they owned. Gerry was interred in Washington, D.C. and is the only signer of the Declaration to be buried in the District. One of his sons and a grandson would ultimately serve in Congress, but Gerry's greatest legacy is being the eponym for a shady election tactic.
*Too lazy to verify if this quote is real.
**Guys, Aimee Mann and Ted Leo (The Both) tell a great story about when they played Aimee's "Save Me" for some awards ceremony for Hillary Clinton at the National Constitution Center WHICH IS WHERE THESE STATUES ARE FROM. Why aren't you listening to The Both by The Both right now on repeat like I have been for a couple of weeks? We saw them last weekend here in Minneapolis and I'm not saying that I want to join them in a non-platonic musical/comedy trio or anything, but I'm not not saying that, either.