Energy Drink Review: Tornado

I had the red one. Blue one's next. Brown one never (sorry, I'm racist against coffee).

Guys, I found a Big Lots(!) here in Minnesota and was able to find some random new energy drinks to try. I picked up a "Tornado" drink in a few flavors and will review the original flavor here for you today. I really shouldn't drink energy drinks, just generally OBVS, but because I'm awake until the morning and then sleep all day and then get up for awhile and then take a 3-hour nap, but I will do almost NOTHING if I don't drink some caffeine. My friend Mike tells me this sounds less like caffeine dependency and more like "depression" but WHATEVER WORKS, MY FRIEND. Unnecessary caffeine and lots of cheesy pop music are how I'm doing this thing (occasionally doing household chores and writing once in awhile). The plastic bottle of Tornado claims it contains a "Taste that blows you away!" I do find the way they incorporated the UPC barcode into the tornado picture rather clever. I respect that. Without further ado, here is my live Tornado review.

FLAVOR: Okay, it just tastes like generic "energy drink." The bottle has red on it, so that my be skewing  my tastebuds into thinking it tastes a little more "red" than citrus-y. It's perfectly acceptable in flavor, but definitely has a kind of chemical-y aftertaste. I don't mind that, but I am more energy drink than man at this point, so that's not saying much. Okay, the flavor does not improve with time or warming. It's got a cough-syrupy edge to it almost. I will continue drinking it, obviously. UPDATE: the flavor never improved.

EFFECTIVENESS: In addition to some fun music, this here Tornado is helping motivate me to do some chores I was supposed to do last week, so that's positive. After a little while, my head feels kind of funny, so that's a thing. Maybe I should eat lunch or dinner, whatever meal I'm supposed to have next. I'm going to take my tape measure to the Goodwill for a secret project and then probably get some Wendy's because I'm classy. We'll see how this goes. I got a headache, but I got my secret project purchase and four new (used) puzzles and some dinner made me feel better. The last third or so of the drink is in my fridge for now. I will update if I decide to drink it tonight.

Okay, I finished it eventually after my patented cocktail of sudafed and ibuprofen and a delicious Wendy's salad fixed my headache. It is 2:16 a.m. and I am VERY alert. I even took care of some grownup internet-based business I'd been avoiding. I started a new puzzle and we finished season one of Masters of Sex OMG so good, right? I know I'll never sleep again until it's time for most people to go to work.

OVERALL: Whatever. The caffeine works, the flavor is not so good. I was not "blown away."


UPDATE: The blue one tastes slightly better. Probably not worth looking into unless you find them for 50 cents at Big Lots like I did.