I address the Twilight thing

This is what happens when I drink energy drinks and try to make myself work on my thesis.

So, the Twilight stuff. It is written by a Mormon lady, so of course I knew about the books a long long time ago. See, the Mormons have this obsession with knowing who all the famous Mormons are, see? It is a great party trick sometimes. Like, "Hey, who doesn't love 'Midnight Train to Georgia'? Also, did you know Gladys Knight is a Mormon convert?" And people are like, "REALLY?" Here, I will now name some more notable Mormons because I'm supposed to be working on my thesis proposal and this is more fun: 1. Our pal GLENN BECK 2. Senate "Majority" Leader Harry Reid 3. Sci-fi icon and noteworthy gay-hater Orson Scott Card 4. The Osmonds, DUH 5. THIS GUY who you might recognize from his recent awesome appearance on the choir nerdgasm show "Glee," or from his childhood roles in "Jurassic Park" or as the duckboy who liked Stephanie on "Full House." His name is Whit and I met him when he was a counselor at a Mormon youth churchy conference thing in California in 2001. He was not my counselor, but was friends with our guy counselor and he did tons of hilarious and adorable performances at the various wholesome gatherings we had multiple times a day. Okay, but anyway, TWILIGHT. I read the first two books and they were really bad. I borrowed the third from my sister, but could never bring myself to read it. I mean I like a good trashy teen sci-fi novel as much as the next guy, but SRSLY. Vampires who sparkle? Native American werewolves? Hundreds of pages of lusting after somebody really kind of creepy and stalkerish and disturbingly pale by a girl who is completely devoid of personality? And then there's all the hype that is annoying and kind of scary what with the Twilight tattoos (so not Mormon!) and whatnot. But my interest was renewed recently when Isaac ordered the first movie from the Netflix and we watched it ironically with some friends. I was drinking, of course, and we were all horrified and amused by how abusive the "love story" is and also the complete lack of plot until, like, 2/3 of the way through the film. But so now we are excited about going to see the second one. In the theater! I never go to movies! I have never been to a film in a theater for pay here in Ohio because I am poor and cheap and most movies are terrible! But we are going to see "New Moon" tonight, and I will bring a flask, and I will laugh at inappropriate moments and we will hopefully ruin it for some lusty thirteen year-olds. Squee! Oh, but also, this is just a long, drawn out, procrastinatory excuse to post a link to my bloglady icon, Sady, who is charmed in spite of herself by Robert Pattinson's self-mockery and examines his possibly gender-defying objectification*: The Edward Cullen Underpants Conundrum (Tiger Beatdown). Hooray! She blogs again! *Mostly this just reminds me of my creepily serious junior high-era obsessions with Angel/David Boreanaz, John Stockton, Prince William, Mulder/David Duchovny. I REALLY wanted to kiss a boy. His particular personality was incidental.

Energy Drink Review: Money-Shot Raven

WARNING: This is not a joke. This product and website exist.

Warning: this energy drink will make you want to strip down to cheap pink underwear and boots and play beer pong with your identically-dressed hot friends!

The beloved I-Man recently went to a fancy academic conference at Cornell and brought me back what I am assuming is a fabulous New York state delicacy, the Money-Shot energy drink, "Raven" flavor. Apparently it is distributed by Dirty Blonde Brands which has the classiest website ever. I stayed up too late editing and uploading my latest fantastic vlog and I just finished a response paper and have class in an hour. It is a good time for a porny caffeinated bev. It comes in a rare size for U.S. energy drinks: 12 oz. Let's see how this goes. Maybe it'll convince me to put on a bikini and some heels for class.* Flavor update: It tastes like orange soda. I feel like I am eleven years old. At that time, my favorite thing to do at parties was to mix orange soda and root beer. It was delicious. I was a prodigy mixologist. According to the "Champagne Room" recipes, mixing the Raven & Jade Money-Shot flavors with Jack is a "Menage a Trois". CLASSY. Also, no dudebro's wardrobe is complete without one of these: Also, they supply important advice:

Will my girlfriend like a Money-Shot? We hope so for your sake, because it tends to be a really awkward moment afterwards if she doesn't. We suggest discussing it with her first....Oh, you meant Money-Shot the drink! We hope you both like it, and if she's hot, we hope she sends us pictures of her with our product (for marketing purposes of course) and we hope if she doesn't, she'll tell us why so we can make it better (unless she's got a problem with the hottie on the can, in which case we suggest you dump the prude).

Haha, prudes! Energy level update: It's hard to say whether it's working because I've perked up just from exploring the Dirty Blonde Brands website and it just tastes like Orange Slice. *This would never happen. Not even if this were "Weekend at Bernie's: Lauren's Dead This Time." I would COME BACK from the Great Beyond and put some clothes on.