Energy Drink Review: Money-Shot Raven

WARNING: This is not a joke. This product and website exist.

Warning: this energy drink will make you want to strip down to cheap pink underwear and boots and play beer pong with your identically-dressed hot friends!

The beloved I-Man recently went to a fancy academic conference at Cornell and brought me back what I am assuming is a fabulous New York state delicacy, the Money-Shot energy drink, "Raven" flavor. Apparently it is distributed by Dirty Blonde Brands which has the classiest website ever. I stayed up too late editing and uploading my latest fantastic vlog and I just finished a response paper and have class in an hour. It is a good time for a porny caffeinated bev. It comes in a rare size for U.S. energy drinks: 12 oz. Let's see how this goes. Maybe it'll convince me to put on a bikini and some heels for class.* Flavor update: It tastes like orange soda. I feel like I am eleven years old. At that time, my favorite thing to do at parties was to mix orange soda and root beer. It was delicious. I was a prodigy mixologist. According to the "Champagne Room" recipes, mixing the Raven & Jade Money-Shot flavors with Jack is a "Menage a Trois". CLASSY. Also, no dudebro's wardrobe is complete without one of these: Also, they supply important advice:

Will my girlfriend like a Money-Shot? We hope so for your sake, because it tends to be a really awkward moment afterwards if she doesn't. We suggest discussing it with her first....Oh, you meant Money-Shot the drink! We hope you both like it, and if she's hot, we hope she sends us pictures of her with our product (for marketing purposes of course) and we hope if she doesn't, she'll tell us why so we can make it better (unless she's got a problem with the hottie on the can, in which case we suggest you dump the prude).

Haha, prudes! Energy level update: It's hard to say whether it's working because I've perked up just from exploring the Dirty Blonde Brands website and it just tastes like Orange Slice. *This would never happen. Not even if this were "Weekend at Bernie's: Lauren's Dead This Time." I would COME BACK from the Great Beyond and put some clothes on.