Friday, November 20, 2009

I address the Twilight thing

This is what happens when I drink energy drinks and try to make myself work on my thesis.
So, the Twilight stuff. It is written by a Mormon lady, so of course I knew about the books a long long time ago. See, the Mormons have this obsession with knowing who all the famous Mormons are, see? It is a great party trick sometimes. Like, "Hey, who doesn't love 'Midnight Train to Georgia'? Also, did you know Gladys Knight is a Mormon convert?" And people are like, "REALLY?" Here, I will now name some more notable Mormons because I'm supposed to be working on my thesis proposal and this is more fun: 1. Our pal GLENN BECK 2. Senate "Majority" Leader Harry Reid 3. Sci-fi icon and noteworthy gay-hater Orson Scott Card 4. The Osmonds, DUH 5. THIS GUY who you might recognize from his recent awesome appearance on the choir nerdgasm show "Glee," or from his childhood roles in "Jurassic Park" or as the duckboy who liked Stephanie on "Full House." His name is Whit and I met him when he was a counselor at a Mormon youth churchy conference thing in California in 2001. He was not my counselor, but was friends with our guy counselor and he did tons of hilarious and adorable performances at the various wholesome gatherings we had multiple times a day. Okay, but anyway, TWILIGHT. I read the first two books and they were really bad. I borrowed the third from my sister, but could never bring myself to read it. I mean I like a good trashy teen sci-fi novel as much as the next guy, but SRSLY. Vampires who sparkle? Native American werewolves? Hundreds of pages of lusting after somebody really kind of creepy and stalkerish and disturbingly pale by a girl who is completely devoid of personality? And then there's all the hype that is annoying and kind of scary what with the Twilight tattoos (so not Mormon!) and whatnot. But my interest was renewed recently when Isaac ordered the first movie from the Netflix and we watched it ironically with some friends. I was drinking, of course, and we were all horrified and amused by how abusive the "love story" is and also the complete lack of plot until, like, 2/3 of the way through the film. But so now we are excited about going to see the second one. In the theater! I never go to movies! I have never been to a film in a theater for pay here in Ohio because I am poor and cheap and most movies are terrible! But we are going to see "New Moon" tonight, and I will bring a flask, and I will laugh at inappropriate moments and we will hopefully ruin it for some lusty thirteen year-olds. Squee! Oh, but also, this is just a long, drawn out, procrastinatory excuse to post a link to my bloglady icon, Sady, who is charmed in spite of herself by Robert Pattinson's self-mockery and examines his possibly gender-defying objectification*: The Edward Cullen Underpants Conundrum (Tiger Beatdown). Hooray! She blogs again! *Mostly this just reminds me of my creepily serious junior high-era obsessions with Angel/David Boreanaz, John Stockton, Prince William, Mulder/David Duchovny. I REALLY wanted to kiss a boy. His particular personality was incidental.


  1. I think my favorite claim is that the writers of South Park used to be Mormon which is totally false. They however know enough about Mormons to write an episode about the history.

  2. In trying to track down the Jurassic Park kid of which you speak, I've discovered that Tim is six days older than me and a director while Lex is a successful artist. I feel like a fucking failure.