I stopped at Whole Foods today for some lunch (forgetting that I keep leaving food in the work fridge that I need to eat) and picked up a a "natural" energy drink. The kind I grabbed came in both 16 oz. and 8.3 oz. varieties, but I've got some prime social plans* later, so I figured I may as well keep the natural energy running for as long as possible and went for the larger size. Also, my choices were between blue and orange. And we all know how my last foray into blue beverages went, so I played it safe with the orange. Like pretty much every energy/juice drink, I am informed that this particular can contains 50% juice and 100% energy. When will beverage manufacturers learn basic arithmetic? Everybody knows the scale goes to 110% and no higher. And that's really only for measuring effort in shitty sports metaphors.
Randomly, the Blue Sky Soda website has a tab with information about pet adoption. Apparently if I send my tab in, they'll donate $0.10 to help little Rover or Fluffy find a new home. I will not be sending my tab in. Here is why:
1. I hate animals.
2. The stamp I'd have to put on the envelope is worth four times as much as the donation itself.
3. Animals are not worth the price of a stamp.
4. Because I hate them.
Anyhow, to the review portion on this "energy supplement":
BLUE SKY JUICED ENERGY (NATURAL ENERGY + JUICE)
Taste: ****/5 This is not to say, "Damn, is this drink delicious!" but more to convey, "Hey, for an energy drink, it's actual kinda decent-tasting!" It's like a sweeter, slightly tastier Sparks. Must be the all-natural flavors or something (esp. the maltodextrin. Yum!)
Delivers on campaign promises: **** It promises "an energy boost when you need it most" (although the small print tells me the statements on the can haven't been evaluated by the FDA and won't, like, cure my cancer), and I definitely feel an energy boost. Nothing super crazy strong, but more significant than a lot of energy-juice drinks.
Ability to understand why people might do speed: *** The boost is mild but pleasant. I could see why people would seek out an ever-stronger high.
OVERALL: 3.67/5 asterisks
Good job with the natural ingredients, Blue Sky. I'll let your fuzzy math go for the time being. Oh, and keep on saving those pets!
*READ: Date. Who knew?