Joe Soucheray still unspeakably lame. Also, kinda racist.

Yeah, he went there.

Remember Joe Soucheray? You don't? Oh, well, you're lucky. Unfortunately, we have a subscription to The Pioneer Press and his bullshit gets delivered to our front door a couple times a week. Usually I skip it in favor of everything found in the Life section (Reading the actual news is depressing/the stories are obsolete by the time I get home from work in the afternoon. And besides, that is what the internet at work is for.). Oh, but yesterday I had the pleasure of spotting the Doucheray's latest journalistic gem: A little dap will do it for Obama and his wife. I'll let you in on some nuggets so you don't actually have to go read it:

And then, here in Minnesota, in the middle of a hockey rink, Barack and Michelle gave each other a little dap.

That's what it's called when you and another person bump fists. I know this because I am a big fan of Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings* and I have also looked up the etymology of the word, which pundits around the country would have been well advised to do because they called it a fist bump in their analysis.

A few observations: I thought maybe "dap" was a word Joe Soucheray had maybe overheard once on the teevee and was misusing. But I investigated his claims, and apparently the fist bump is the simplest form of dap. Right, but it's still a fist bump. See the ultimate authority for a proper definition, friend. I think it's pretty obvious that Joe Soucheray should not try and expound on the technicalities or intricacies of popular cultural phenomena, am I right? I agree with him (thought it pains me to type those words) that the moment was cool. Also, ADORABLE. They are both so fucking hot and they are obviously totally still way into each other. But here's the deal: Joe Soucheray must be one of those "colorblind" conservatives, because he manages to never mention the fact that the fist bump, though co-opted into mainstream white/youth culture, is a black thing. Culturally. Historically. I think he's seriously remiss in omitting that from his "etymology." Because I'm a-just sayin', that if the Clintons fist-bumped it would look totally staged and tacky and, dare I say, minstrel-y. Not just because they're white, but because they're my parents' age. That would not do. Anecdote: I remember being confused by the fist presented to me by one of the two black members of my junior high choir. Though I quickly figured out how to pound, she did (justifiably) laugh at me in the meantime.

And now I wonder, parenthetically, am I going down some sort of weird Jimmy the Greek road because I am assigning to certain people a special ability to capture coordination and grace?

Not just "certain" people, asshole. The problem lies with judgments about certain GROUPS of people. Good thing there's not, like, a stereotype floating around in our cultural consciousness or anything about stuff like this.

Whatever, this guy has a good analysis of the whole thing (esp. regarding youth appeal). Joe Soucheray would probably tell me I'm racist because I think it's okay for the black guy.** Joe Soucheray would be wrong. I'm not saying I'm not racist (though I don't want to be), but I don't believe any of that "reverse racism" bullshit conservative bigots are always spouting off about. Someone like Soucheray trying to talk about a dap/fist bump as if it's something he knows all about is just laughable. And I say this as someone who is both white and uncool: it's embarrassing when older people try to use the lingo and discuss what the cool kids are doing. Okay?

Oh, and this:

If these two make it to the White House, I know who they should book for the dance, and it's not Hootie and the Blowfish or Bruce Springsteen, if you know what I mean.

I think he means BLACK MUSICIANS.*** Don't get me wrong, Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings totally rock my socks, but seriously, Joe Soucheray. I guess they're an acceptable compromise for him, because he's really not a fan of hip-hop (WARNING: link contains blatantly racist bullshit).



*"I'm not a racist, some of my best CDs are black!"

**I'm not going to lie, I do think he knows what he's talking about because he's black, young-ish (I'm going on the picture and the fact that he is obviously younger than the Doucheray), and not an asshole. And because he knows what he's talking about.

***I know that Hootie guy is black, but whatever.