Wednesday, February 09, 2011

My contempt for Pluggers renewed; all is right with the world

I just looked back through the past few weeks' worth of Plugger cartoons, and found many things to hate and/or mock. None of them are about prescription drugs. (Has Gary Brookins turned over a new leaf? Or maybe his Percocet* is working so well, he's forgotten to illustrate any of those submissions recently.)

Pluggers have a well-known canine bias. Also, isn't that kid also a dog? Alternatively, does this mean dogs need kids TO EAT? We all know about Marmaduke's murderous proclivities. I also don't think Scooby would have ever complained if any of those giant stoner/Bumstead sandwiches Shaggy was always making were filled with delicious human child meat. People veal. Hey, maybe America is like an experiment by crafty space aliens or secretly cannibalistic human rivals (You guys have seen how China's been winning the future and all recently, right?) to raise a race of sedentary, television-hypnotized, hydrogenated corn syrup-fed, DELICIOUS children. Just a thought.

My parents have these same encyclop(a)edias in their basement still, I think. Man, were we excited when Encarta came out.

Is this supposed to be an adorable malapropism? Even Andy Rooney knows that the Kardashians are on E! and "Jersey Shore" is on MTV--completely different zones of pop culture trashiness. And anyway, Pluggers don't watch either of those channels, as they're too busy looking for their friends on episodes of Animal Planet's Confessions: Animal Hoarding.

This is not really a joke. I do find myself contemplating how fair these anthropromorphized animals take the various gendered standards of beauty and hygiene. Does Plugger Bunny Lady shave her legs to go under her nylons? Inquiring minds are now being forced to consider this question.

Oh, Bonnie Burdick. I really hope this panel marks her passage into the double digits of published Pluggers ideas.** Although we all know things like "Pulitzer Prizes" are tools of the liberal media meant to distract us from their lie-covered political agenda. No Plugger would ever accept a Pulitzer Prize. No, sir.

Pluggers long ago discovered that remote controls scoop WAY more nacho cheese than standard cutlery. Luckily, most Pluggers just leave the TV on the Game Show Network all day at an excruciatingly loud volume and don't need their remotes to work anyway.

*How long will it take me to get spam comments offering sweet deals on prescription painkillers? And how long CAN I wait?!
**It is possible that this submission was meant to take a swing at Ol' Brookins himself. In which case, Bonnie Burdick, I applaud you. SRSLY; slow clap and everything.


  1. Dude, there was a limited amount of information in those old encyclopedias about the moon. I'm pretty sure my 2nd grad report was highly inaccurate.

  2. Did you notice that two of those submissions were from Judy Dalton of Keystone, SD? I think Bonnie Burdick is upset that the newspaper won't publish any of her letters to the editor where she rants about how Halloween is the devil's holiday and ONLY SATANISTS SAY "HAPPY HOLIDAYS".