I would like to thank the ROCKSTAR Company for saving my life once again

Friends, I am in my office hours right now. I am required to sit in my office for a number of hours each week so I am available to students. Even if my students knew where the building where my office is, they would not come. No, they only come if they have to make up a quiz or talk to me about a paper (try-hards), and we haven't had any of those things yet, so they're definitely not coming by. But before I showed up late to the office hours I myself scheduled but it doesn't matter because no one will ever come, I went for a run. Yes friends, a run. As I believe I've mentioned here before, my "running" is more like "jogging and gasping for air while sweating profusely," but "running" is a more concise description. Anyway, Ohio swamp summer had been taking a break for about a week, but today it was like, "Fuck you guys, HUMIDITY YUCKYUCK AGAIN." Because apparently the weather is a foul-mouthed five year-old.

Anyway, I was running in a far less shady area than usual today because of course I chose today to "switch it up" and "explore." Anyway, it was terrible and hot and the air was heavy with mocking bits of moisture. My lungs were like, "Where is the oxygen?" And my limbs were like, "Stop trying to move me." And I basically had to keep stopping to walk a bit and I felt like one of these:

Get it? SLUGGISH?

But with lots and lots of sweat instead of slime. Basically, I got real dehydrated. And then I had to ride my bike home, shower real quick, and show up late to these office hours. But I stopped at my local Bro Supplies Depot and picked up another one of these Rockstar Recovery guys. This time I chose grape flavor.

Now, me and real grapes are only friends in champagne and red wine forms. Me and artificial grape flavor have an even more ambivalent relationship. Sometimes I am like, "Oh, it is sweet and contrast-y with all the other flavors I like better like yellow and green and orange for their citric content." Other times I am like, "This purple shit tastes sickly sweet and/or like poorly disguised cough medicine!" So I was vaguely nervous about my decision to drink the grape. I want you to know that I do not regret this choice. The Rockstar Recovery flavors are non-carbonated and relatively subdued (but not in a gross, mixed-with-tea kind of way). I had a dehydration headache when I got to the office, but through a magical combination of lots of water, this drink, and most of a bag of Gardetto's, I almost feel human again. I should really know better than to exercise.

Anyway, I re-endorse this product in grape this time. I am nervous that the lemonade flavor would make me feel more dehydrated, you know, the way that actual lemonade is kind of like that. But I can't know until I try it, I suppose. I also picked up a Lo-Carb Monster to review soon, so look forward to that since I know it won't last long in my fridge at home.