Energy Drink Review: Knockout Energy

Photo of this ridiculous can found here. Mine says "$1.00" on it, so clearly it's gone up in value recently.

Guys, remember when I wrote that master's thesis* about energy drinks and masculinity? It's because of products like this: Knockout Energy. Isaac and I were recently shopping at Cub Foods, where apparently they carry weird random off-brand energy drinks. This one was only $1! ("Plus tax to the Man," as the can says--apparently this energy drink is not just violent but also your douchey libertarian college roommate.) The can of course features a fist with those brass knuckles things, which may indicate how my gut is going to feel after drinking a 16-ounce can of this.

The website tells me that Knockout's motto is "Respect all, fear none" (but with less punctuation). You can even buy a t-shirt or a cute pink lady tank top featuring a brass be-knuckled fist! This is clearly my next wardrobe acquisition. Anyway, to the drink!

FLAVOR: It's generic citrus-y energy drink. Not a flavor I mind at all.

EFFECTIVENESS: Instead of waiting until my break mid-afternoon, I decided to open the drink shortly after arriving at my Blessed desk. So I was still pretty wakeful from, you know, waking up and riding my bike a couple of miles to work. It definitely is enhancing my energy levels, though, and I'm feeling a little giddy, but I have no one to talk to. I will have to make somebody G-chat with me or something because I am getting antsy. (In a good way, I'd say.) Good energy boost, but not so much that I think I won't be able to sleep tonight or anything. Though who am I kidding, I just realized the Korean drama I'm watching has ten more episodes than I thought it did, so I probably won't be going to bed before 5 or 6 a.m. all weekend anyway.

RECOMMENDED. Cheap but effective. Nothing fancy. Do remember to pay your taxes to the Man, please.

*I will never stop shilling that shit.