Energy Drink Review: neuroSUN and CONTEST WINNERS!

You could live here under the sea.

Oh hey guys, are my article revisions now over two weeks late? Yep. But I also still have a few untested Neuro beverages from M80 in my fridge and also I need to finally fucking reveal the NEURO CONTEST GIVEAWAY WINNERS OR WHATEVER.

But anyway, I'm trying neuroSUN today, which apparently is full of vitamin D, but will probably not give me a tan. This bev claims to help my immune system, give me all the vitamin Ds ever, make my boneses healthy, and support a "balanced mood." I find this last claim both difficult to believe and impossible to prove or disprove on the basis of one 14.5 ounce bottle of yellow stuff. Also, I let Isaac drive me to work today instead of riding my bike the, like, 1.8 miles here, so this is my substitute sun exposure. Anyway, I'm trying it now:

TASTE: Oh good lord, it's PINEAPPLE! Why, Neuro, WHYYYY? It's non-carbonated and like all Neuro drinks, the flavor is a bit on the thin side, so not too TOO overwhelming, but it's still pineapple. I am at a loss at places that specialize in tropical drinks because they are like all full of pineapple and coconut, both of which are things that are fine in like, foods, but not in beverage form because ew.

EFFECTIVENESS: Whatever. Maybe my bones are stronger.

OVERALL: Don't bother unless you like things that are kind of gross/have to avoid the sun for totally not sparkly vampire purposes.

We party like it's 1997 on this blog!

CONTEST WINNERS!

I received SEVERAL entries, even from one person I don't even know! The winners will receive a box of Neuro drinks from M80.

Here's some honorable mentions:

BLYTHE:

NeuroSONIC would probably make me feel like Sonic the Hedgehog, something I have aspired to be since I was a small child. Running around, collecting rings, fighting evil dudes and turning them back into cute forest critters. I feel like with NeuroSONIC I would achieve this goal. I'm also thirsty ALL THE TIME.

 [Ed. note: I was so charmed by this entry, Blythe, you could have been a winner, but I couldn't find contact info for you, so you are but a runner-up this time!]

EMILY:

I'm entering for the NeuroSONIC because I'm starting school next week after a 7 year hiatus and I need to stay the fuck off the couch. I have 8 classes in my first quarter and my mushy brain can use all of the free caffeine help that it can get. So please consider me, in my transition from pretty poor working professional to really poor groveling student.

 [These are pretty convincing reasons. Good luck staying the fuck off the couch and winning at school, Emily!]

KELSY:

I thought I would enter your contest to get some sort of energy drink for those days when I'm all, "Why are children so hyper all the time?"

 [Children at her job, she doesn't have babies, you guys.].

Do not forget Elissa's pet-themed photo entries!

But alas, there can be but one winner, and that goes to Bill, who is a fancy lawyer or whatever and says:

Have you heard of ERISA? It's the Employee Retirement Income Security Act of 1974. It's one of the longest, most complicated and most detailed laws ever written. And I spend nearly 10 hours a day reading, interpreting and explaining it to those who advise others subject to it. In other words, I need a strong source of energy, and I am sick of drinking cup after cup of black coffee.

 [That sounds awful, Bill! I hope a case of free neuroSONIC makes your life less terrible for a little while.]

And the winner for the neuroBLISS package:

MATTY:

I gave up caffeine a couple of weeks ago, [Really bad decision.] but still enjoy sweet beverages, typically ones that contain vitamins and other suchlike things as a way of fooling myself into thinking my beverage choice is somehow more health-conscious than, say, a mere Powerade or other sports-related beverage.

 [You are the only one who entered for this drink! Congratulations at getting first out of one!]