Energy Drink Review: Monster DUB Baller's Blend

The Beard picked me up another energy drink because he knows I get wacky when my taurine levels drop too low. It's the Monster DUB Edition "Baller's Blend." I'm feelin' pretty baller already, just holding the can. As I've previously researched, DUB is some kind of custom car magazine nonsense that has partnered with Monster and blahblahblah. The can calls this Monster's "latest collabo with DUB," so we can go ahead and just die now because everything is terrible. It's a fancy energy fruit punch, basically.

FLAVOR: It's fruit punch-y! That's really all there is to say. If you like fruit punch, you will like this drink. My take on fruit punch is that it is a perfectly adequate flavor.

EFFECTIVENESS: It's working some, but right now I'm feeling mostly ambivalent about life and annoyed I can't watch Daily Show clips about the George Zimmerman verdict because somebody's waiting in my lobby. Maybe it will really give me a kick and I'll feel motivated to write something else or apply for some jobs or something. Oh wait, oh wait, I think it's working! Roughly 70% of the way through the can and I am prepping for my NEW PATRIOTIC WRITING PROJECT I've been contemplating for awhile. My legs are shaking a bit and I am feeling only vaguely irate that the people in my lobby are laughing and talking loudly about their children. I still feel ambivalent about living in a world with the George Zimmerman verdict, but I'm not sure what kind of serious substances I would need to erase that feeling.

OVERALL: Pretty good. Same efficacy as just about any other Monster drink (see chart on this post, I am too lazy to edit it). Recommended if you are into fruit punch.