Energy Drink Review: Super Shock Citrus

Let me tell you what I appreciate about the Super Shock products: they're no-frills. There are no flashy graphics or ad copy or design sense on the cans that are trying to convince you to pick SS* Super Shock over those "brands that you've heard of." And they were 2/$2.50 at the SA today, so pretty much I was required to buy one reg and one citrus flavored one on the cheap. Let's give the citrus version a try!

It's the middle one. But SRSLY, a good deal through June 30.

I'm trying to see if there's a website or something, but the can does not give me many clues. The Super Shock drinks are manufactured by a company called Monarch Custom Beverages from Canton, Georgia. They make private label bevs and their website is not really that informative. No info on Super Shock, but their main bottling plant is in MN, so that makes sense. Apparently the manufacture is "under the authority" of Norther Tier Retail LLC, which I also tracked down. Perhaps it would seem like Northern Tier Energy is just a big energy drink company, but you would be wrong about that assumption! Nope, they do stuff with, like, ENERGY, like refining crude oil here in Minnesota! They also own all of the SuperAmerica convenience stores in MN and WI. (SuperAmerica is used to be the upper-Midwest version of Speedway, BTWs. Freaked me out when I moved to Ohio and the theme song ended slightly differently.) So Super Shock is like the SA store brand energy drink. And you don't make websites for that crap.

FLAVOR: I suppose it is kind of citrus-y. It's pretty heavy on the energy/chemical aftertaste, but I don't mind that. YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR, PEOPLE! It does not taste that good, but I since I enjoy ingesting noxious chemical cocktails, I don't care too much. If you're the kind who cares about "flavor," probably not a great choice.

EFFECTIVENESS: I'm about 60% of the way through, and I'm definitely perking up. I'm not going to lie, I also dig doing internet research about which company owns which. I get all jazzed up. Somebody hire me to do research for them, PLZ. But anyway, I drank the whole thing and have a decent caffeine buzz going. So definitely high on the efficacy scale. Here, let me make an energy drink efficacy scale in MSPaint.

It took me a couple of hours and I had to use like, math and grid lines, but here 'tis:

OVERALL: I would highly recommend this cheap-ass SA energy drink. It doesn't exactly taste good, but it got me up to Max Velocity-levels of random MSPaint art inspiration.


*Note to self, do not abbreviate this product that way. We've got Nazis in Minnesota, after all. TOO SOON.