Energy Drink Review: Rockstar Lime Freeze

There is nothing "frozen" about this drink unless you live in MN and leave it in your car or something.

[Ed. note: JK, I am my own editor, but SRSLY I wrote this like a week ago and then forgot to publish it. I have no actual plans to leave my home today. Don't get confused.]

In an effort to produce energy drinks in every goddamn possible flavor, even when they are abominations, Rockstar has put out a couple of drinks that are supposed to taste like frozen booze beverages: Lime Freeze and Pina Colada. Because pineapple is kind of the worst, I am declining to taste and review that one because we all know it will just say "Pineapple is not good, I do not like this." But I'm giving the ol' Lime Freeze a go. True fact: the first booze beverage I was particularly fond of was Mike's Hard Lime. I'd drink four of those and be good to go. You can tell I was very young because my stomach was able to process that much sugar at once and also it only took four very weak beverages to get me satisfactorily drunk. Ah, to be 21 again! JK, that was a kind of horrible time in my life and I never want to go back.

FLAVOR: It is very lime-y. Actually, not unlike the Mike's Lime. Will my old-lady guts be able to handle sixteen ounces of this? ONLY TIME WILL TELL. Halfway in, it's decent and not making me sick or anything.

EFFECTIVENESS: It's working, bros. I'm feeling much less lethargic. We have plans to leave the house tonight and everything. It is a perfectly useful energy beverage. Might not finish it before we go out, but it's definitely doing its job.

OVERALL: I drank most of it before we left the house and only felt slightly icky. Recommended if very lime-y things are your thing.