Oh hey, I finished that thing

That thing being course work for my PhD. While there are many, many things yet to be done (exams, proposal, dissertation, defense, etc.), this is a glorious milestone. I am kind of not sure how I managed to get through this last school year without failing everything and/or having a complete meltdown while teaching because nobody did the reading AGAIN. But you guys, I don't have to take classes anymore and I don't have to be a teacher anymore. This is exciting! And I don't know if you know this, but I'm planning to follow my dreams. My dreams involve being able to display both a doctorate of philosophy and an Emmy Award for my fabulous television comedy writing on a mantle that will apparently be devoted solely to my achievements. Isaac can put a small trophy up there too, I guess.

I'm getting out of academia, friends. The job market is TERRIBLE* and I have found through the experience of teaching that I do not particularly enjoy the experience of teaching. So why would I work my ass off for a shitty, underpaid and insecure position doing something I don't really like anyway? That is why I'm getting out. I still want the doctoral bragging rights, to be sure, and since I plan to write, writing a dissertation would basically be, like, a good first book project, amirite? And since my dissertation is sure to be something American culturey/history-y/morbid-y, I think that will point me on a good path to becoming the next Sarah Vowell. This is obviously when I'm not busy producing hilarious and awesome videos and working on becoming the next Amy Poehler. Though I should say that despite lacking any drag queen qualifications, I would make an exception to the academia rule by accepting an adjunct position at RuPaul's Drag U.

It would be like this, like, all the time.

So team Laurac (Lauren & Isaac) is preparing for a move (back) to ye olde Twin Cities in Minnesota. We are seeking out real-people jobs and a home where we can store all of our books and DVDs and a stuffed woolly mammoth and two full-size couches for optimal cuddling and lounging purposes. We have dreams that one of us will get a job with health insurance (!) and that we can start paying down some of the credit card debt accrued during grad school. I plan to stay a full-time student technically so we don't have to start paying off all my loans (somehow Isaac managed to not accrue ANY in 10 years of schooling?) yet, and we hope to be busy and not as poor as now and filled with hope for our futures instead of despair for the present. RuPaul believes in me, and I believe in you and your ability to make a plan for your life to be less terrible just like I have.

*Also, duh. Remember this? It is SHOCKING to the Chronicle that "smart" people might be poor sometimes!

A few things I saw on the interwebs today

I, too, want to punch this goddamn Kay commercial in the face. Assvertising. (Melissa, Shakesville) Our favorite news source, HuffPo, asks why Ted Kennedy's son can't receive communion as the MAIN STORY on their "Politics" page. HOW IS THIS ANYBODY'S BUSINESS?! They act like ideological divides among Catholics are hot news. Pshaw, people. But anyway, mostly it reminds me of how I asked a vegan friend of mine recently if vegans could take communion, and besides pointing out that vegans can do whatever they want (contrary to popular belief, they do not have a law enforcement body), we decided that even if you really believe in transubstantiation or whatevs, Jesus totally gave his byproducts willingly, so it's cool. Never fear, Catholic vegans, I have solved a moral dilemma for you! Patrick Kennedy Communion Dispute Reveals Divide Among Catholics (fucking Huffington Post)

I ask the Sexy Gay Jesus for forgiveness

No, not for forgetting his death/undeath day celebrations, though I'm sure he'd approve of me and the I-Man consuming massive amounts of Gilmore Girls instead since I drunkenly bought it on Amazon, justifying the purchase to myself through tax returns. No, I can't believe I have allowed myself to stop being obsessed with this man or this video since last finals season! That first link leads to a fan!site! with an almost embarrassingly unselfconscious interview. He wrote 70 songs for the album! He is a TV producer who likes anime! That explains both the money and connections behind the video, as well as the hair. Check out his imdb bio, it is like 73 times longer than his list of credits! Also, the video will have at least two sequels (squee!). I cannot wait. Chris Dane and his sparkly guitar and guitar sponsorship deal rock my socks and I sincerely want him to become a major superstar. There is nothing in the world more better than what this man has accomplished thus far in his musical career. So go watch the video again. Contemplate what the drawn-on mustache symbolizes as per his performance of masculinity as "Jade." Contemplate why anachronistic exploding battleship stock footage is thrown into this CGI-wonder. But do not try to contemplate the plot. It will only come to naught. Give in to the man-locks, and SHINE! Here's an embeddable version of the video, but it's way higher quality if you watch it at his website: